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I don't understand the concept of death. One minute you're alive and kicking and the next you're not there. You're gone. I don't get it. Where do you go when this happens. How come all this intellect and wisdom just disappear into nothingness. They put that person that you lived you're whole life with into the cold ground. Just like that. Gone.

I don't get it. Why does God create us and make us love so much only to rip us apart and leave us with a gaping hole where our hearts used to be.

Recently, I had the privilege to sit beside a wise woman that understood life and death in a way I can't. She said that there are so many levels to life. Death is just one of those levels. It's only when the "spaceship" that's our bodies break down and can't withhold our souls, that our souls can't remain on earth anymore, they travel back to their original place. Just like how we can't go up in space without a space suit or a continuous oxygen supply that's like our souls, it lives in this human form.
But where does it go after. Wouldn't it get scared.

Where is grandpa? Where did he go. Is he scared? How can I talk to him, I want to tell him how much I love and miss him.

Dad once said, a man is always a child until one of his parents die, for then all of a sudden he will grow old beyond his years and he'll become aged and gray.

A part of me has died today. It will never be the same again.

Jiddo, wherever you are, I will always remember the last words you spoke to me. It was like yesterday and I will always remember it like it was yesterday.
But I will keep those words a secret. Forever.

Good things rarely last

So my England trip is over, and it went so much better than I had expected, from meeting my Torontonian friend to finally getting to see my cousin who is now married! Aaah it was amazing fun!

Even though I managed to somehow go to Sheffield 4 times in 3 consecutive days, I did NOT get to see the Arctic Monkeys, I kept my eyes open the whole time.

Things I learned in the past two weeks include the term winsest (from Josh) and bonfire night, Englands own independence day, only they celebrate a man who tried to bomb the houses of parliament, (kind of celebrating a pyromaniac if you ask me) which was massive fun. The night skies were alit and the live band were almost mesmerizing, the cold night felt warm standinh by the best of people. Especially the John-sledding part, a guy who has the rare talent and ability to flirt with almost anyone.

Also, I got to learn how to cook proper food. And I enjoyed it.

Back to old cold Canada. So effing excited.....

Trains

It's not hard to believe that JK Rowling got the original idea to write Harry Potter while she was on the train. I see that now. I'm on the train to Edinburgh and I feel like a wizard going to Hogwarts up in the north.
These trains, they make you think long about life. Staring out the window and there is never ending portraits of scenery and green grass. As far as your eyes can take you.
I've never been so lost as to where I am but I've never felt so much at home.
All this land has been transformed into fields and if your lucky, you can spot little bits of cloud floating on the ground, up close they're only sheep.

I have this need to get away, I have this need to discover something, explore the untapped.

My home is the world. I can't be confined to one single piece of land, especially when there is so much out there.

Well that's all from my side. Catch y'all later peeps.

New fake year resolution!

Every new year starts on January, it marks the beginning of the year, well for most people at least.
Not for me, I always thought that September is the real beginning of the new year. It's when you move up a grade in class, when you start university, work, when you finally come back home from vacation. It marks the ending of summer, which is the very last of the year.

So for me this is the new year post. And for every new year there always is... Yes you guessed it (or not) the resolution.

This year, I've thought seriously into my life. And I've decided to work on a few things.

Without further or due, here's the new list:

-I will start to want to work more than I want to stay at home or go out with friends, I am an adult now.

- I will try to be more in touch with my friends, cousins, and old mates. I will make an effort to contact them more often.

- I will move out if I have to ( and I'm dreading this). But I'll do what it takes to be excellent at my job. So getting used to this idea will help if the time comes.

- I will no longer linger with what bothers me, yet I will forgive and forget everything, no point in keeping a grudge.

- I will have more fun, by finding new ways to enjoy life. Yay! Fun!

A compilation of random things

Marc Jacobs new fall collection

I <3 red

Ice cream, best friend, frozen tongues and downtowning

No sleep, early mornings and on vacay. who you looking at?

Best friends accross the sea

Summer nights are not summer nights without fireworks

Baby bro and I in our old old garden. when days were good.

uniqueness. 

I always thought 'Am I dentist material?' answer: No.

Watermelons and watermelon eating contests.

sunbathing in the back yard in my PJs

Donatella Versaces' New fall collection. The pure Italian family. Reminds me of gramps and granny.

Le trying to catch the moon. 

Work brain is mush.

Sometimes, it bites to work in the summer.

I wake up much too early, get dressed, have breakfast, make myself lunch, leave out the door to work.
Work, on a lovely summer day that's both warm and cool. A lovely day I could be going to the beach to swim. Or bike by the river and stopping for ice cream.

No. I have work. Out of every single day on the planet, summer, should not be spent working.

Today for instance, having two shifts at two different places, well I found my self arriving to work an hour early. Who in their right mind does that?!

And later when I'm done with work past 10, I would have missed my usual Friday friends hang out.

Lovely.

Only one bright side, working this much, I can afford to take all of October off. Maybe it's time for another vacation?

I've lost count, but I've started reading the hunger games books. So far so good.

Taste of Danforth

This years taste of danforth was one superb and amazing experience despite the dismal weather and rain.


The multicultural side of Toronto all came out to celebrate good food and good times. Not only was it spectacular Greek food like souvlaki and gyros on pita, there was also amazing food from all over the globe like mouth watering Thai, Mediterranean and Caribbean.

It's a haven for hungry people, with free food and drinks you get a true taste of all the Danforth.

There was a little antique shop owned by a lovely old greek couple and it was filled with one of a kind finds. It reminded me of my grandparents home. It was childhood all over again.

I especially liked the live music. Elana Harte performed a lovely array of Stevie Nicks' songs on stage. There was Spanish music and some lovely Greek dance performance which made the crowds and myself dance.

It was truly an amazing time, and I can't wait to celebrate food next year. Opahh!

"We read to know we are not alone.” - C.S. Lewis

I'm currently reading my 4th book this summer. Its like I'm devouring them alive. I can't seem to function without a book in my hand. Its taking most my nights, its what I read at the pharmacy when I'm all alone. I'm currently half way through a Marian Keyes book, its called Sushi for Beginners, although, there is no sign of sushi anywhere in that book, it is my 3rd Marian book, not the best, but will do.

I remember my 9th grade teacher miss Nora once said "reading gives you escapism". I never forget that, for starters I didn't know that that word existed. Alas it was a perfect description of reading. At that time I was reading Stephen Kings famous 'The Body' novel. I finished it in 3 days, 3 sleepless days. It took me somewhere I've never been before.

That was when I was 13, now, after reading maybe a dozen more Stephen King books, I still feel the same way in every book. I can't put the book down. I just can't. I can't forgive myself if I don't know what happens in the next page.

(Above: The shining, made into a movie starring Jack Nicholson, The body, made into a movie under the title "Stand by me")

Same thing with the 'Girl with the dragon tattoo' trilogy. I swear when I saw Steig Larsson typed on the side of the books in the sale section, I ran to them and jumped like a lunatic. I like how he portrays a European country, so different from the way we live, a different taste, and the plot, its unlike anything I've read. Weird and unfamiliar, every page brings something new.



Maeve Binchy, on the contrary, her books well I just force myself to complete. I've read a few, all of which I regret starting. And it takes me weeks to complete one book. But if I have to recommend a book, 'Light a penny candle' would probably be it. The whole vintage style environment and WW2 settings seem to give the book a little spice.







In the end, I must say, the best books are the ones you buy at random, from someone on the street or from 2nd hand bookstores. Atleast they've been tried and tested, and for a dollar, you can't really go wrong. That, with an ice cream in one hand you're bound for eternal happiness.

We're in the deep end, but we're all together.

I wish there was one photo that had all my friends standing together. I'm trying to get a cover photo for my stupid facebook timeline and I cant seem to find one that brings all my friends together. Those I love. So I went on my 77 albums ( yes I have a total of 77 albums on FB) and they were all awesomeness to the limit, and I found a few pictures here and there that could sum up my life. As I went through them I was reminded of the good old days, some friends in there I've had since I was in 5th grade or when I was 13. I'm not talking about school friends or classmates, I'm talking proper best friends for life material.

Some of these people, who are all old now, some married, some with kids, some with Ph.D's even, some of these people left an indentation on my life, that has curved it to what I am now. 


The first time I properly met Salah, at the time I only knew his name, the first time, I was in the library, all alone up in the 3rd floor and I was sat in the corner on a table crying my eyes out, I was all alone, I had no friends and my family was away. And that's when he walks in, sees me, pulls a chair and sits beside me. He asked me what's wrong, and I blurted out everything to him. Next thing I know he was drying my tears, he took my hand and he introduced me to his 4 guy friends. He then looked at me and said "I know we're all guys, but we'll do for the time". 
Next thing I knew, he transferred all my labs with him and for the first time, I had a lab group, and I was a part of something. 
And to this day. I am never alone because somewhere, somehow he's always there too. 
Salah taught me trust, to trust a stranger who then turns out to be the best person on earth. 

Mustafa on left, Salah on right, both good friends

Sana, well, what can I say, its not the fact that she's cool, or funny or trustworthy, its the fact that she's always been there, always consistent and most of all understanding. Even after 6 years. My darkest days, when I'm all angry and upset, she looks at me, points a finger and laughs in my face and then says " I know". That's all it takes to get me laughing.


















Allie, hmmm Allie, well when I was 5th grade, I went with my parents to their friends house who had a daughter, who wasn't only the sweetest nicest girl ever, but later lived to become my most loved best friend. My family always travelled around the world, she always lived in the same home, yet somehow, I always end up with her. I shared my first crush with her. At the age of 13, and it was the same time I'd met another super mega awesome friend, Marwan. Who stood by my side.


 Its not a friend who's a friend, its a friend who's there for you when you're in a complete all time low that's a friend.


A friend once sang a song about me, I only remember this part of it: "Everyone that passes you by the street misses the chance to be with the most extraordinary girl in the world". Its something I'll never forget, something I keep deep in my heart. 


Cousins don't count, you see because they're cousins, you love them unconditionally and they love you the same. I have 21 first cousins who I love all equally, but differently.

My cousin May and I, at age 1. 

My friend Sinan once said "If I have to choose between friends or family, I'll always choose family". You see, true friends, true people will never ever make you go through a decision like that. 


True friends for me aren't just people, they're the ones who let me share the pain with them, whether mine or theirs. Its for all the times you stood in the rain together. 


Bet you didn't think I'm that deep now did you ;)

This times a different time. I have this grave feeling that things are about to change, they might already have. I know I've started to.
It makes me happy, to actually move on. Knowing that one chapter is over and I'm moving on to the next. I'm a little excited, a little scared, but mostly satisfied.
The dark days are over. They might come back though, but it doesn't matter when you've gone through the worst.
I'm ready to shut the book finally. And it feels amazing.
With my ice cream and my family on my side. I think it's going to be time to jump.
It's summer time baby. And it only comes once a year. This is a message to my future self, you're good. You're happy. Go get life. And smile.

Torontos real life zombie attacks

What happens at night in Toronto?
Why in hell do all the weirdos come out at night? What happens that make them roam the city?
I'm not talking about the regular weirdos, oh no, not your average scum bags and homeless joes. I'm talking about those people that follow you around in the subway asking to borrow your phone, the ones that pretend that they've lost all their money, beg for money from random strangers then yell profanity if they don't get change.. I'm talking about that guy that sits beside you, takes off his shoes, reveals his infected toe and asks if your horny.

I'm terrified of this city, I don't think I can handle a zombie attack with zombies worse than torontos late night weirdos.

When your at union station at 11 pm and a bunch of police men run in to grab someone who's doing drugs in the men's washroom. Oh yeah.. I've been there. And at that exact moment, a drunk lady comes laughing in.

Well done downtown toronto you have outdone yourself. I guess you don't need a zombie attack to have zombies.

Snap snap snap

What is a photograph?
A photograph is a mili second captured on a paper, or as a viewable digital picture. It makes that one second last forever. Exactly the way it happened. No changes. It's a way to stop time. Keep it from moving, a way that defies the laws of time and movement. In that picture, time stands still, people stand still. Even after theyre long gone. They appear in that photo, just as real life. Just as they once stood before. A little peice of them caught in that little photo. Forever.

People change. They grow up or grow old. That photo of them is something that stays the same throughout time. It keeps them the way they were. It keeps them alive. It's magnificent if you ask me. I wish I can take pictures of the whole world on my camera, of everyone I know, everyone I don't know. Try and keep it. As it is. Forever.

We forget a lot. Forget how we once felt, how we once loved. We forget what we saw, what we encountered, we forget the bad times as well as the good times. Photos are there to remind us, how we once were. What we once saw, how we once lived.

A machine to stop time. And make us watch a moment over and over. Making time timeless.

Take your cameras out. Your future selves will thank you for it.

Zombies

I always wondered what it is that I'll be doing once the zombies attack. Mind you I still can't figure out how the zombies will come about in the first place, like what will trigger them. Will it be a bang heard all around the globe? Or will it be a disease infecting people's brains? Either way I think about it nearly all the time.

I would like to consider myself ready if a zombie attack was to occur. I have worked out vigorously, kept my weight down. My leg muscles can keep me running for days if I had to. Yes I'm serious.

I've practiced to be aware of my surroundings. No zombie can surprise me without me knowing about it.

I have used my boney fingers to poke pillows, tomatoes, even soap bars, incase I'll ever have to poke someone's eyes out. And I've been biting people since 1991. Needless to say, i've advanced far since then. It is after all survival of the fittest.

I'm quick with reactions. And I know exactly what to do. I've even practiced on guns for crying out loud.

Not to mention, I can stitch wounds, give shots, treat people and fix fractures.

Bottom line, I am trained and ready or combat. And nothing scares me.

But I have come to the sad realization that I however awesome, cant survive alone, Without a proper gang, a team.

I need a tech genius, I will need someone with mad driving skills cuz I drive like women. Asian women.
Someone that knows the area. I'll need someone with good armour experience and anyone else that seems useful with anti zombie skills. Also.. I will also need someone, prefereably with good genes, just incase if I'll be needing to repopulate the world with.

When the time comes you'll remember me. If you will be fending off zombies by yourself, then I bid you the best of luck! Either way, I hope I see you at the end line!

Sick and other random stuff

I've got the flu. I think. Even though I believe that I never get sick, and I never do, I am currently getting symptoms of a runny nose and a sore throat, just symptoms. It doesn't mean I am sick..
The worst thing about this is, even though in my head I am not sick, my brain isn't functioning, my body feels weird and there's mucous coming out of every orfice of my body.

My remedy of green tea and ginger with honey and lemon has failed. And I call myself a pharmacist. Pshhhht

News on the forefront: Although work can be sucky at times, yet I still manage to find pleasures. Some people can put a smile on my face without even trying. In other news: brace yourselves, winter is coming.

That awesome moment

That moment, when everything is going the wrong way, nothing is working out, you lose alot, you miss the bus, you lose your keys, your phone is off because the batteries are depleted and you think to yourself, this can't get any worse. Well, the universe hears your cry of despair and accepts your challenge.
So days go by, weeks, even months and you're at an all time low. You've done all you could do, yet nothing is working out. So you take on the universe and its' challenge and you donate, you pray, you even clean your room daily thinking it's the last straw.

Nothing. In fact, you lose your job, and you can't find another one.

Then one day out of the blue, you share a seat with a kind stranger on the bus. They smile at you.

You get that job interview You always wanted. And you get the job.

You were left out but all of a sudden you find yourself sitting at a table with your close friends.

And your life blooms. No reason. Just does.
You get everything you want, including that vacation you were dying for. Including the guy you always wanted, or that girl.

Don't lose hope. It takes weeks, months years even. It will look up. There really is a light at the end of that tunnel. You just have to keep on walking.